The Hook: When I opened it up the first words I read were the bold text. I realize that was the contest phrase, but someday you might want to take it out. It read better the second time when I ignored it.

The Dialogue: On the second read also I realized he was talking to the almighty!

Character Development: It was well done for such a short window. We don't get an outward description, but the one inside.

Scenery: I think the whole story is filled will pictures of the background, and they're well placed, I think. Threaded through the whole story.

Plot: It's fairly clear and quite quick.

Mechanics: I might have used a comma after "faster" in sentence 2. But otherwise, well done.

Final Thoughts: Fire ant do not have a whim.




Happy Writing!

Mastiff