The Hook: The title and sub-title. The wife is a witch and I'll take information wherever I can get it.

The Dialogue: I found it quite good and flowed well. If I would make one change, I would name the cook, then give his words. As it reads he kinds of comes out of nowhere.

Character Development: No complaints here. The two people we need to know, we certainly know. Very well done.

Scenery: It was kind of a bland cafe, but it was just a quick backdrop. It could use a little more meat, but only if you're toying with it anyway.

Plot: Oh... how... dark. It's a nice set up, really. Old school love potion, blah blah, typical. Then nails the ending hard! Makes you revisit the sub-title. I'd be remiss to say I wasn't impressed. The only story hole is taking Jeffery from the outside to the backroom. Easier to sit him at an empty outdoor table, no?

Mechanics: A wise man told me to put clamps on what I write and tighten up when I edit. If you wanted to do the same, Para #7, Sen 2 &3 could be pared into one giving all the same information. That's all I got!

Final Thoughts: Speaking of got, you got me good! I did the Chris Pratt wide open mouth meme and then laughed. Ya got me. I was thinking romance and love! And I enjoyed it, too. Keep twisting!


Happy Writing!

Mastiff