Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Title: It does what it needs to do. I had a good idea what I was getting into when I read it. Not sure why you decided to go with a question mark, it seemed like you surprised them to me!

Initial Reaction: I enjoyed how you started setting everything up from the beginning of the piece without giving too much background. It was just the right amount to set the tome.

Setting: It's well done, and frankly, I could have even used a bit more. When you write good descriptions, readers want to get even more. Was the mausoleum musty and dank? Remembering all five senses can be daunting, but looks well within your grasp.

Character Development: I believe this may have been the best feature of your writing. It's very easy to picture the people you are setting up, as well as letting us know what you were like. We didn't get quite as much on you as the girls, but overall I liked it.

Plot: Unusual. Not entirely unique, but few can write from the same perspective, and that's what gave it a special flavor. I'n going to bet growing up around all of that was rather unusual in itself.

Ending: I thought there might be another twist and somehow they'd gotten you instead! But as part of the whole, it's what it needs to say. It was a good little tale about a fun little prank and I enjoyed it.

Line-by-line and Suggestions: Just a couple edits I would make:
- Para 1 Ln 4, change "was" to "were" to make it agree with opportunities
- Para 1 Ln 9 & 11, both use "this year" and you might consider removing one (Further down you do the same with "however" as well. Same with "story" down in Para 3.)
- Para 2 Ln 2 seems unnecessary, since the story has already evolved past it.
- Para 2 Ln 3, I think I'd have noted the mortuary first. Personal preference :)
- Para 2 Ln 10 you use "indisputable" and I think you want to tell us they were impossible not to tell.
- Para 3 Ln 3, you might consider "spring the trap" or "tighten the noose."
- Para 4 Ln 15, you want "eavesdropping."
- Para 4 Ln 19, I would really rethink using more than one exclamation point.
- Overall, I would go back through and decide if you need all the words you have in quotes to be written in that manner. I wasn't sure what you were trying to let me know by doing it.

I spent a little time on the mechanics, because I liked your story and I think it would make it flow a bit better.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff