Hello Makaila,

Welcome to writing.com!

I saw your poem in the "Read a Newbie" section.

You crafted a deeply emotional, poem about relationships, pain and anguish. My heart ached for the suffering depicted. You used a lot of compelling internal rhymes. So many, that the few lines without them stood out.

Your poem made me feel sad and wishing that others didn't suffer so much. And that your character could be freed from enslavement and able to live a happier, more fulfilling life.

In the spirit of helpfulness, I do have a few suggestions for improvement. If you'd like constructive criticism, read on. If not, just stop here and know that I enjoyed your poem.

In this line: "A once a time model, thrown to the trash now she waits for every nights lash." I would recommend changing "once" to "one," deleting the "a" between "once" and "time" and adding a comma after trash. Oh, and an apostrophe to indicate possession in "nights." Were you to take my suggestions the sentence would then look like this: "A one-time model, thrown to the trash, now she waits for every night's lash." That seems like a lot of suggestions for one sentence but they're little, easy fixes that I think would make the sentence read a lot more smoothly for future readers. Your meaning is quite clear without the changes though. You are a great communicator!

Thank you for sharing your poem! Write on!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .