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Review #4399175
Viewing a review of:
 My personal thoughts on today  [E]
As I currently sit waiting for the editing to be finalized.
by ~Siren~Lorelei~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Christina,

Welcome to writing.com! Congratulations on being gifted a membership! What a lovely gift!

I saw your bulletin in the "Read a Newbie" section.

Your picture is wonderful and made yours the most eye catching post on the whole page.

Congratulations on writing a novel! And writing this bulletin even when suffering from the flu! I know how miserable having the flu can be.

Congratulations also on having an awesome fiance who is willing to edit your writing!

I wish you good luck finding a part time job and will pray that you find just the right job soon (and also that you recover from the flu quickly).

You seem like a positive, genuine person and I think employers will love to have you on their team.

In the spirit of helpfulness, I do have a few suggestions for improvement. If you'd like constructive criticism, read on. If not, just stop here and know that I enjoyed your writing.

In the first sentence, "Hello I am Christina since I am bed ridden thanks to this awful flu, I currently sit waiting for my fiancé/editor to finally have the editing of my novel finalized so I'm able to proceed into the thirds chapter of my novel." I recommend adding a comma after "Hello" and a period after "Christina" (so you end the sentence there). I recommend deleting "since" and just starting the next sentence with "I" ... then doing the same after "flu" (add a period and start the next sentence with "I") and then change "thirds" to "third." If you were to make all of those changes it would go from one to three sentences and look like this: "Hello, I am Christina. I am bed ridden thanks to this awful flu. I currently sit waiting for my fiancé/editor to finally have the editing of my novel finalized so I'm able to proceed into the third chapter of my novel." Hope this was helpful to you!

I think you get the idea there. I think the only other thing I noticed was there was a spacing issue. I forget if it was an extra space or a lack of space but if you read through when you don't have a fever from the flu you'll probably find it easily.

Thank you for sharing your bulletin! Write on!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler

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