%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4399997 |
 | American Infidelity  [18+] A date doesn't go as expected  |
| (4.5)| Mastiff dropped by for a visit.   First impression: You done did it. If you got a guy with the O&B on, you're going to get a review!  The title hit me as a bit trite. Just because the actual words are overused. But we can see where it goes! Okay, a television show. I'm with you. Things That Might Make It Better: Just a nice edit. It's fun, and if you go back and wordsmith it, you'll have something nice. Things I Like:Perfect ending. Mechanics: I always try and do this, and even though I've been through the English wars, write grants and boring legal stuff, it's just my thoughts. Para. 1 Ln. 3:"and everything" can go without losing anything. Para. 3 Ln. 1: Period could work better than a comma. Para. 4 Ln. 1: Always best to spell out "okay" without a solid reason. Para. 36 Ln. 5 (I think): Ending a sentence wit... wit. I'm laughing too hard now to keep up. Email me back if you really want grammar stuff. :) Overall: You might consider a few more commas, but I'm a junkie, so take it with a grain of salt. Or, next edit break some long lines into shorter ones. Final Comments: I'm so glad I was too old for that TV stuff! Fun piece, whittle on it and it'll get even better.   
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You responded to this review 03/23/2018 @ 11:14am EDT