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Review #4400194
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi victorliu

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . The review is part of the Mental Health Writers Alliance challenges.

Please remember these views are purely my own and everyone has different opinions.

First Impressions: Firstly, I can relate to this poem massively. Your title intrigued me, and then I read the brief description, and I had to take a peek.

Voice/Tone: I think the tone is one of someone who has first hand experience of depression. The line, "Why do I keep being obsessed?" interests me. I wonder whether you are obsessed with someone who, maybe, doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them. Or, are you referring to the way depression makes us constantly overanalyse everything and everyone? I think it could be the latter. That's a common part of depressive thinking.

I did question the friend who advised that, "Life is harsh." Do they say this in a 'pull yourself together' vein? Or, were they sympathising with you that, yes, life is harsh? Hopefully, the latter.

Mechanics: This is a poem with two verses; both containing four lines, with an aabb rhyme scheme. The rhymes work really well, and they give the poem a a good, natural rhythm. If I were to point out on place the rhythm is a little off, I would say, "Seems there's not sufficient vitality." Sufficient seems to have one too many syllables. However, it doesn't disrupt the flow very much.

My Favourite Part: I love the relative positivity at the end. After writing about the pain of depression, you give the reader hope that things will improve. The last line reads: "Pain will sooth and hate will cease." It sounds like that is spoken with experience. It reminds everyone who is experiencing depression that the really bad times are, generally, transitory.

This is a well-written poem that highlights the pain of depression really clearly. Great job!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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