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 Review #4402221 |
 | And it Sat There, Growling  [13+] A piece i wrote yonkos ago - about a man and his dog and Winter itself.  |
| (4.0)| THIS REVIEW IS JUST FOR YOU. SAFE TRAVELS & MANY BLESSINGS    I am reviewing your work as a "disABILITY WRITERS GROUP" family member, on behalf of The WDC Army Angels  WHY I'M REVIEWING FOR YOU  Group/purpose: This gift is just for you so you can write with might and gift delight to readers through out WDC with confidence and best ability! Title: And it Sat There, growling I first thought about something canine Description: A piece i wrote yonkos ago - about a man and his dog and Winter itself. Definitely needed to know about the person and dog.  FIRST IMPRESSIONS  I LIKE What and why: The sad part was the killing of the dog which although it added to the story and moved it forward, I preferred that dog not be killed. I'm not writing this because I believe the story should be changed, it is because I happen to like and enjoy animals especially because I have a service dog as well as several other dogs. Showing in detail the personality of the man and the character who thrived in wintery conditions made the situation between them realistic and yet this had the feel and flavor of fiction a good mix which although I was aware of, I was mostly focused on reading and taking in the details of your story. plot: I enjoyed the idea of winter being a character. The idea of searching for what was lost and making an adventure out of this idea with challenging circumstances worked well and kept me interested in the action and characters. Showing what was happening with colorful details and words that gave me clear images of the environment, characters, and action added much to bring this adventure to life. Rhythm: Your word art moved forward at a nice pace, keeping my interested in discovering what happened next. I didn't fell like anything was rushed or dragging.  OBSERVATION(S)  QUESTION(S) Was there anything in particular which motivated you to write this story? Thank you for sharing you imagination with me.  SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS: My thoughts and ideas which may be of interest to you: The biggest issue I noticed was that many sentences start with "I" which conveys who is being written about and doing the acting, however it is repetitive and for me over kill. The story would be better presented by changing the sentences so that "I' does not need to be used so often. I uncurl my long limbs and... Uncurling my long limbs and... the leathery skin creased from nine months of my leathery skin is creased from nine months of For me thin makes the description more personal as in knowing more about the character personal as if he/she were telling about him/herself. I’m nearly knocked over by the wind by I steady myself and by steady myself? "but" perhaps or another word.  CONCLUSION(S) He tries to block but I’m too quick "me" could smooth out this sentence. I punch him in the face and he staggers back, blood pouring from his face. blood pouring from--where on his face? and one hits me in the shin. one or one well placed foot... It hits him exactly where I aimed it and he doubles over. my excellent air doubles him over or similar something to further the story. “What if wasn’t me? "what if it wasn't me?" My thoughts and Impressions: Thank you for writing this story and making it available for readers to enjoy and also for reviewers to enjoy and review. I hope you continue to write and share your word art. I believe the next time the winter season visits here again, I'll have a different view of this season and probably think of your story. Safe travels and many blessings.  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" [E]! Feel free to check us out to find out our purpose on Writing.Com. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" The WDC Army Angels  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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