*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4406539
Review #4406539
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Balloong*Welcome to WDC! I was drawn in by your query in the title as I was curious and there are many times I ask that question of myself. Our roles and view of self often change while the greater spirit of us is always present. *Smile*

I can really hear the tone and confusion in the voice in the this free flow of poetry.
You created a strong image of the poet's mind seeking clarity in the recognition of its chameleon activity. I so relate to "torturous thoughts" as the ego can so lead us a merry dance of suffering if we listen. *Thumbsup*

I noticed a few places where punctuation could be tweaked for effect:_If it works for you.

-drop the question mark in the third line as it connects well with the fourth.
-drop the period after "looks back at me" as it flows into the next line well._
-drop the question mark after "replaced" so the next line can finish the thought.

Line 10 felt out of sync to me the way it is written. I think "pain" line can easily flow with line "tearing apart." Or tweak to say, "filling me with emotions" to keep the same tense as the vivid word "stabs". *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this emotional evocative vision! The ending question shows that the voice will still be caught in the cycle as can we ever know why? What if we can just observe and choose a different response. I do love to ponder how we tick! *Laugh* Keep on writing! *Starstruck*

eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4406539