INTRODUCTION

Hello Azrael Tseng ,

I'm here to do my first chapter review for your book, "Invalid Item" , which I am really enjoying thus far.

WHAT I LIKED:

Description:


There was a lot of vivid scene description at the beginning that moved slower than the rest of the chapter, but I think that's good. Steampunk and Westerns are both genres that rely very heavily on atmosphere to establish their mood, and this is an aspect that you capture perfectly right away.


Eviscerators:



This line really stuck out at me. It was short, but it hinted at something ominous in the world that you've created and gave us a sense at one of the things contributing to Clayton's tension, which was well established in the scene.


Dialogue:

I thought the dialogue was very engaging. Western dialogue is something that I personally have always struggled with, both in writing westerns and trying to appreciate westerns other people have written. A lot of the time the dialect feels very forced, but here it feels very natural. I can really appreciate the way that your characters speak, can hear the accents in my head, and it doesn't feel over the top or forced.




I don't really have any suggestions for you for this chapter.

There are a lot of things that I like to see in first chapters of novels, characterization for the protagonist, a sense of environment, a bit of exposition and of course, a hook for where the story might go in the next scene. You did all of these things beautifully in this chapter, and I would therefor consider it to be a success on all accounts.

I have a good feel for two rich characters, a grasp of the situation, and there are so many intriguing plot points that I'm hopeful you'll expand on, I can't wait to read on and see what else unfolds. Really, really good job.

CONCLUSION:

I thought this was a great chapter.

What it boils down to is that I want to read more of the story. Your writing is engaging and the chapter reads very smoothly.

I'm looking forward to the next review I get to do for you.

Sincerely,


-Cat
















My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .