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 Review #4430207 |
| Hello , I enjoyed reading your story. I am no expert and what's following is my humble review which you may choose to ignore.  First of all,  WELCOME  to WDC If you enjoy writing and reading, you have landed on the right planet...    Why I chose this item: This is a part of the August Challenge from Angel Review Forum. Its a fantasy and I am always interested in reading this genre.  My favorites parts: I liked the theme of the story. Its has some very interesting points and has potential to grow in to a novel.  Characters: So far most of the character are underdeveloped. They need more polishing. The dwarf and the elf are the only three dimensional characters. The Professor and that man with the wolf, Ronwin and Barrelswig need a little more physical description.  StoryLine/Plot :This is just the opening and hence the plot is yet to be disclosed but it has pace. It moves with speed and action. The story is a fantasy with a world of your own. It needs more showing.  Action/Flow : I had some difficulty in understanding while the scenes changed. It needed some space in paragraphs. There's action in here but its missing the drama.  Ending: The story or the chapter ended on a break. There is more to it. The reader is left there in suspense and wants to read on.  Overall impression: Over all It was a good read though there is a lot of space for improvement. First of all, please use double spaced format. It makes reading easier. You have Prolouge and Chapter One in one item. I understand that you don't have the privilege of creating one item for one chapter or a book. Then make sure that the headings stand out. Like: Prologue ......... ..... CHAPTER ONE abcd efgh... This will help the reader in getting a clear picture. Put space in between your paragraphs. Break the scenes in different paragraphs. All these effect the flow of the story.  A few Typos:There a quite a few: This cult known to the ... lesser races and and veiwed : This cult, known to the ... lesser races and and viewed She chosen four champions: She had chosen her true nature, they were fated: nature, but they thunder, when .. .Tarnus Barrelswig, discovered:thunder, when ... Barrelswig, discovered deep in the earth.: within the the snow is melted by early spring rain.: snow is will be melted flap for he friend to enter.: for her friend you show no one but Greggor himself: show it to no one but shall leave at one.": at once [If you don't mean one o'clock] please escuse me: excuse me "Tarvus?" says suddenly. : Who says? heads of into the: heads off into ... follows behind his old friend: follows behind his Kodo, or KUdo,: Different names at different places A good proof reading would take care of others... Keep writing... Its a good piece of work... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  Rima...Happy Writing  !!!  A "The WDC Angel Army"  Angelilc review... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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