Hello!

I found your piece in the "read and review" function of the site, and thought that I would give it a read.

I thought it was interesting, descriptive, and enjoyed the little twist at the end. You accomplished a lot without using a lot of words, which is something that is difficult for a lot of writers.

One suggestion that I have for you would be to try opening your story a little differently. In the opening paragraph you paint a very vivid picture of how well-loved Jeannie is, but immediately transition into one girl really hating her (whose different from the other girl who ultimately will lead to her demise.) For a short piece like this, I just think continuity might be the best option.

My only other suggestion would be to try and work on the motivations a little more. Since Trish had already killed someone who was planning something against Jeannie, the smarter thing for her to do might have been to try and frame Jeannie for it, rather than killing her. With both girls dead, Trish would be more likely to be suspected.

Other than that, I thought the piece was good. The pacing was even, there were twists, and you kept it to the point.

Best regards,


-Cat









My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .