Hello!

I found this piece in the read and review tab and thought that I should give it a read. I'm glad I did.

I think this piece has a lot of potential, and I really appreciate the structure of it. You open up writing in the past tense, and the whole thing is done so casually that you don't even realize that so much time has passed between today and where the story begins. It gave that last line a little extra punch.

I do have a couple quick suggestions:

With a piece this short, I'm not sure opening on scenery was necessary. It might have been a little more tied together if you'd opened up with something about Jane, even if it's in the abstract.

I also thought the mention of the video games at the end was strange. Don't get me wrong, I can't think of anything more romantic than celebrating an anniversary with a new game release, but since Ted didn't really seem to be a fan of games at the beginning, it almost seems like Jane would have been better suited to end up with the roommate. It might be good to slip a line in there about them bonding over what had chased him out of the house initially, or have them celebrating the anniversary with books (because they met in the library) it might have been a little better.

Of course, those are just opinions. I thought it was an interesting read as is, and the structure and style were both excellent.

All the best,



-Cat









My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .