Hello!

I found this through the read and review function and thought that I'd drop by to leave you with my thoughts.

I'm a Californian, and the beaches are by far one of my favorite things about the state, so the subject matter of this poem really spoke to me. I think you did a great job capturing the feel of wandering in the sand, looking for adventure and appreciating the beauty.

The dedication you included at the bottom was also quite moving.

The only thing that I didn't really like about it were a couple couplets in the middle:



While the rest of the piece was really strong, these lines stuck out as a sort of weak point. I thought the meter here felt a little awkward, and the encounter with Don seemed to take away from the mystical quality of the rest of the poem. It made it seem more like a narrative, less like an experience, and overall seemed to be needlessly forced into the middle.

My suggestion would be to either take these lines out or replace them to make the rest of the piece even stronger. Of course, that's just an opinion and it was enjoyable either way.

Sincerely,

Cat

-Cat









My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .