INTRODUCTION

Hello Azrael Tseng ,

I am taking a short break from reading/reviewing your novel to leave a review for your item "Invalid Item"  as part of the PDG raffle that you won - surprise!

I chose this one from your portfolio because it was the first one I saw that was rated 18+ and that was just what I was in the mood for.

So with that little bit of context out of the way, let's get to reviewing, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED:

Greek

I like the ties to Greek mythology. That's something that I don't often see associated a lot with vampire lore, since Greece is one of the few places that doesn't have its own spin on what we would recognize as a vampire today - but there are a lot of crossovers when it comes to aesthetic qualities and I was very impressed by how you seamlessly tied together the traits of your god with recognizable vampire characteristics for a truly unique approach to a scene that has been tackled many, many times.

Ending

I think my favorite part of the story was its ending.

Of course, I like that he didn't turn her, which is where so many of these types of stories end, but more than that, I like his reason for not doing it, and her reaction for it.

The idea that he would love her more as she ages, perhaps even envy her ability to do so, was presented very well in a way that makes sense. There was one line in particular I felt got it across really well:

“When you’re twice your age now, and the laughs you’ve had are etched onto your face at the corners of your eyes, instead of slipping off forgotten from baby-smooth skin, I will love you a hundred times more.”

And then her reaction to it I thought was also very mature, as it added a new layer to the story and her character:



The fact that you didn't really linger on this or go into much detail about what was going through her head was very effective in heightening that level of mystery, and I genuinely enjoyed the note that the ending landed on.





Extend

Since this was written for a contest, I can understand that there was probably a limit on how long this was allowed to be - and I was impressed by how much you were able to pack in with such a short number of words.

That being said, I think this piece might have benefited from a bit more length, and if you ever decide to revisit it, there would be a few points I would have liked to see included or expanded upon. While I would have liked just a bit more insight into Yvarra as a whole and her relationship with Adonais, what I think would have really made the piece for me is just a little more insight into the setting - particularly the time period of this piece. The only context clues we really have for that are some insight into Adonais's origins - but considering he's immortal, I was very curious as to just how long he had been around when this scene takes place.

Overall, however, I think you did a fantastic job - and I can see why you won your contest.

CONCLUSION:

All in all, I thought this was a great piece. You breathed real life into some romantic vampire tropes, and I know from way too much experience how hard that can be to do. This was a great read and I'm glad to have found it. I hope that this review was somewhat helpful, and I am looking forward to getting back to my chapter reviews of you soon.

Sincerely,

-Cat
















My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .