I found this on the READ a NEWBIE page and see you entered the contest. It might be a good idea to give your poem its own title and put the name of the contest in the tag line as the title indicates the name of a contest instead of your poem.

I am glad I took a peek, though! I enjoyed reading your lovely weave with its vivid images. It has a philosophical feel to it and I felt sad.

I liked your use of vivid verbs like "ignite", "exist" and the old fashion word "smitten". The poem is free style in its flow and has a consistent ryhme scheme. I like that the first word of each line in verse one and then two rhyme as well. This is amazing and I would find it a challenge! Brilliant!

The idea of "conscience" shoving is evocative! I was a bit confused in verse 2: the first line you use the past as a watcher so does line two refer to the "love" ingiting and then flying? "melt" is in the present tense and you use "my" again.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. You really capture the longing and feeling in your words. Keep on writing and good luck in the contest. Have fun with the party activities.

You responded to this review 09/02/2018 @ 2:59pm EDT

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