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 Review #4436093 |
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| (3.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   Hi Casey! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!  I love haiku and am always working to improve on creating haiku! So I was happy to see this poem. I enjoyed reading it aloud as it flowed well. I liked the sound of "'wintry drip" and the short "i" sounds repeated throughout. It has a pleasing soundscape, which can be hard to create in short poems. The image is vivid as you compare two images. The reality of 'small drip' is haikuish as in haiku the poet is to observe without embellishment. Then it disappears. Cool!I really loved what you did here as a picture. Now I will be a bit picky.... just as I am learning a few HAIKU things... sometimes we use haiku to mean the 5-7-5 syllables but the real definition is more than that.  I had to change my whole approach once I studied it. LOLIn the second line, I do like the idea of "fingertips of roof" and yet it is an interpretation eg... rooves do not have fingertips. LOL I see you were going for the 5-7-5 and in my study it can be harder to stay true to the "realism" of haiku if forced to do syllables. Newer works reveal we can do shorter lines to stay clear. In this case you could say "slips off the roof" very simply. Haiku can have less than 17.  Yep, that is what I found out.Also true haiku do not use periods or too much punctuation. Your comma is useful within. The last line has another verb. mm. Usually haiku has one verb..what are you comparing the drip to? Is there another noun you could use?   That said, your three lines convey a clear picture and evoques the magic of meltdown as it disappears. There and gone!  Thanks for sharing your vision and example of haiku! Keep on writing and if you want to know more, let me know. I have a note somewhere.  Light on the path as you write on! eyestar ** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **   A Knock it Out Reviewing Activity for a Cause- in celebration of WDC 18th Anniversary  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/04/2018 @ 6:58pm EDT