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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4436153
Review #4436153
Viewing a review of:
 Fighter  [E]
An attempt to describe a girl handling the world, emotionally.
by WriterAtHeart
Review of Fighter  
Review by iluvhorses
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Vignette1*Personal Impression: The poet's choice of title is good, fitting to the poem, I hear the message of hurt, and resilience in this "fighter". The message is strong.
*Vignette2*Tone & Mood: Solemn expressions of hurt, tears, and strength
*Vignette3*Rhyme, Form & Flow: Though you use end rhyme, the line lengths vary which interrupts the flow when this is read. Perhaps re-work the lines to even them out for better flow.
I would also suggest using the first two lines of the second stanza as a chorus, perhaps. Separate them from stanza two and repeat them perhaps between stanza two and three, and again between stanza three and four?
*Vignette4* Emotional Impact: I resonate with the sadness, pain of hurt, but am encouraged by the strength to fight on.
*Vignette5*Grammar/Punctuation: Stanza one, line two should be "little did she know herself".
Overall, good emotion, a great start on expressing these thoughts.

*Vignette6*Write On!
Deb



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