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Review #4440151
Viewing a review of:
 Happines  [E]
This is a poem about how I feel twards someone
by Popornalot
Review of Happines  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Why I stopped by? *FlipFlops3*

Your item popped-up on the random Read & Review generator. *CheckGr*


What did I really enjoy? *Reading*

I always love poetry that binds romance and true love. Meeting the love of your life and taking the big step toward a lifetime commitment, brings about memories that readers will flash back to in their own lives. Thus, it will hit a chord with many readers.


What gave me a little pause? *Meh*

The poem is what I would describe as a free verse. It was nicely put together and brought about vivid imagery. However, my suggestion would be to drop some of the repetitive words that are fairly common, and replace them with words that hit with impact. This is love that came unexpectedly. It leads to happiness never felt before. Let that shine through. So many "I's" are used in telling this story of love. Perhaps eliminate some telling of the feelings, with some showing of emotions.


Further Observations: *Mouse*

"I never thought the day would come,
To where [Of when?] ("where" is of a place, and "when" is of a time)I would have to say these words."


Parting thoughts: *Thought2*

This poem has the heart and soul of love. Just a few adjustments will do the trick. I liked how you ended the poem. It had a bit of internal rhyme that brought the ending the exact emphasis needed to guarantee readers there was a happily ever after in store for this couple.

Well done! *SwordL*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*




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