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Review #4442562
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Questions  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Pumpkin2* Greetings, Patrick McDonagh ! I found your item request, "Invalid Item" , in the "Please Review"  forum and decided to review it. *Smile* You added, "I would like to know how the flow works for you. I also need to know if there is any corrections in the structure of the poem or punctuation and grammar that needs correcting," so this is what I will concentrate on.

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

Flow
         When I first began reading this lovely poem, it immediately reminded me of something I might write, including the traditional rhyme and rhythm. *Smile* The flow started out really well and there were only a few places that the words either felt a bit crowded or perhaps lacking in meter. But those lines can be easily fixed to help keep with the nice flow of the rest of your piece. My recommendation is that you read the entire poem aloud. This will help you find those areas where the meter perhaps might need a little tweeking. *Wink*

Punctuation/Grammar
         In Stanza 5: How can butterflies wings soft as silk The plural form of the butterfly is butterflies, but the possessive form of the plural noun butterflies is butterflies '. Example: The butterflies' wings, soft as silk. I also inserted a comma after wings for pause.
         In Stanza 6: When will we stop causing others' pain You might get away with this the way it is, but you really don't need the possessive apostrophe here as causing pain to others doesn't need to make others possessive. Does that make sense?
         In Stanza 11: the how's, when's, why's and who's. I do believe the apostrophes aren't necessary as they are not contractions or showing possession. *Smile*


         *Starb* My favorite question that you ask is:
                             Why are the oceans vast and wide
                             with depths we cannot fathom?

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
Cubby ")
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/29/2018 @ 11:43pm EDT
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