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Review #4442942
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Pumpkin2* Greetings, Dis-Ease ! I found your item request, "Invalid Item" , and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

Flow
         Great flow and such a fun piece! Thanks for the note which explains the speed and also hand gestures for the part of Nim's trail. Kids love repetion, too, and will often chant along at those parts. I used to work in a school and a library and I helped out with lots of storytimes for kids. This one would definitely be a good one for all the little kiddos! *Bigsmile*

Punctuation/Grammar
         Looking great! I did, however, stumble upon the 3rd line of the 8th stanza:
But again Nim him didn't hear.
Did you mean he instead of him? In a previous line you referred to him as Nim the Slim. So... just thought I'd point it out in case you want to change it.

         *Starb* My favorite lines are...
                             Right into the book his father had put
                             Where Nim should've looked but forgot to do it.

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
Cubby ")
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/02/2018 @ 3:43am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4442942