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Review #4442978
Viewing a review of:
 Fallon The Brave Rabbit  [E]
A rabbit crossing a spooky forest to see her friends is confronted by a mean goblin.
by Danny
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Danny ! I found your item request, "Fallon The Brave Rabbit" , and decided to review it. *Smile* I love writing for children, so I couldn't help myself. Especially when I read your three year old daughter dictated this to you! This item was created in 2014, I see, so she must be seven years old now. I hope she's still making up stories, because this story here is quite impressive. *Wink*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

Flow
         Your daughter is amazing. This story flows along as it should and it just awes me that she was able to tell this story in such a sequence of events. *Shock*

Punctuation/Grammar
         Of course you get the credit for great punctuation. *Smile* I didn't pick up on any grammar issues or typos.

Thoughts/Suggestions
         I really don't know what else to say as far as critiquing, but something I learned a few years back, was to always have the protaganist (main character) attempt to accomplish their goal three times. By the third time, mission is accomplished. *Smile* This story only lacks one attempt, so Fallon could go into the woods one more time and fail before finally making it through her third time. *Heart*

         *Starb* My favorite line:
                             Once upon a time there was a little rabbit named Fallon who wanted to visit her friends who lived on the other side of the dark and scary forest.
I love this first sentence! I can practically hear your three year old's voice telling the story.

*Thumbsup* Nice little story! *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
Cubby ")
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