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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4443288
Review #4443288
Viewing a review of:
 Pirate Poem  [E]
It's a poem about pirates
by Monochrome life
Review of Pirate Poem  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Monochrome life ! I discovered your item, "Pirate Poem" , and decided to review it. I love children's stories and poetry! *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

Flow
         Great flow! Very pirate-like rhythm (whatever that means, lol). I could feel the heave-ho sway right away. *Bigsmile* It pulled me right.

Punctuation/Grammar
         To be honest, there are a few punctuation issues. Here is one example:
and yell there she blows
Perhaps you could change this to:
and yell, "There she blows!"
It's important to have punctuation in children's poetry, so you might want to go through and plug in periods, commas, whatever. *Bigsmile*

Suggestions/Thoughts
         Aye-aye-aye, line 4 is something you are going to want to change since this is for children and also rated E:
We'll hack and well slash, well even blow up your ass.
Perhaps you could change it to something like:
We'll hack and we'll slash, we'll blow out our gas! *Wind**Shock**Laugh* But that, of course, is up to you.

*Note* Other than that, I think kids would love the pirate theme and also the fun rhythm and rhyme. *Smile*

         *Starb* My favorite lines...
                             We've got our compass and we've got our map
                             We've got our heading and we've got our trap

*Thumbsup* Very enjoyable! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
Cubby ")
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