INTRODUCTION

Hello virgoqueen18 ,

First off, let me just thank you for taking the time to submit a formal review request for your item "Invalid Item" .

I know that it's a rough draft, but I can see that there are some good ideas in there and a lot of passion behind the project.

WHAT I LIKED:

Tension

It was hard for me to get a good sense of the plot because of the unusual structure, which I imagine is because you're not done with the story. That makes it a little hard for me to give feedback on that side of things.

One thing that I did like about the story up to this point was that there's very often a tangible sense of tension in your work. It's good that you don't let the characters get too comfortable because it's a good way of keeping the reader engaged.

Description

Another thing that I like about the style in general is that you've taken a lot of time to describe things. It shows that you care a lot about the story and it helps your reader to paint a picture of what's happening and relate to the situations.




Simply put, I suggest that you keep working on it, and keep editing.

I don't like to suggest too many editing details until the rough draft is complete, because I think it's important to get the rough draft finished before moving on to polishing things up because it's best to take it one step at a time, and finishing that rough draft should always be the first step.

However, the content that you do have here is pretty rough still in terms of editing. There are a lot of technical errors, typos, and things to work on in your next draft. For example, there was a lot of missing punctuation and names often weren't capitalized, small things like that.

After that's all done, I would suggest that you work a little on formatting. If you're copying work over from another location (another hosting site, word document, etc.) it can be a little tricky/tedious to make your work as presentable as possible through WritingML, but it goes a long way toward making it easy for the reader to digest. Putting line breaks or indents at the beginning of your paragraphs makes it a lot easier to read, and it's a simple trick to get more feedback on your work.

Finally, I think it's really good that you're looking for input, but it seems like it's a little early in the process to be worried about other people's opinions. The first thing should be to get the story as close to where you want it as you can on your own, so that you don't get redundant feedback on things that you plan to change anyway. Even if you get feedback at this stage, it can be a little hard for reviewers to get a good feel for the story when it's not completed, and there's no indication as to how much longer it will be.

CONCLUSION:

In summary, my advice is to finish your rough draft, edit, and then start asking for feedback on a draft where readers have a stronger sense of the story. There is a lot of good material to work with here, but it was very difficult to get a grasp of what the final project will be like, and that can make it difficult to review.

I hope that this was helpful, and encouraging, because I think when it's finished it's going to be pretty good.

Sincerely,


-Cat
















My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .