Hello!

Thank you so much for taking the time to submit a formal review request for your poem ~ I hope you don't mind me using my less structured review template (which is what I usually use for poetry.)

So, addressing your question first:

          Looking for how my poem flows, and if it appears in it right order as far as information given

I feel like it was ordered very coherently. It opens up with a little about your life, setting the scene before getting into the memories, and the poem flows well from one concept to the next to tell a story.

Regarding the flow, I do think the one area that could be improved on was the meter. Reading the poem out loud, it did feel like more attention had been put into the rhyme scheme than the rhythm of the poem.

My other suggestion (while I'm already suggesting things) would be that you add a few more lines toward the end. You sort of flip-flopped with the message at the end, which I actually think was a nice touch because it's easy to relate to (as a bit of a jewelry hoarder myself) but I think it would have had a stronger impact if the pacing had been just a little different. Perhaps the penultimate stanza you could vow to get rid of the jewelry at last, before being sucked in by the memories and their beauty right in the last stanza (or even, if you'd be open to experimenting with the structure you've established, the last full stanza could be about the intention to get rid of them and then you could get sucked in at the end with a single couplet, just to really mix things up for a more concise finish.)

And if you wanted to experiment a little more, one option would be to carry the theme of wanting to get rid of the jewelry more strongly through the rest of the piece, which would shift the focus of the piece a bit, but give your poem a more narrative feel to it.

Overall though, I thought it was great. I liked the balance you found of describing the pieces (which made for some lovely imagery fitting of prose) with the memories and the sentiment behind them. There were both visual and emotional elements which are the two things that I really like to see in poetry, and they tied together so beautifully in your work.

There was one line in there that I liked in particular that I thought I'd share:

I have at least two jewelry boxes - one very small, one very tall.
The pieces carry memories of places visited, people seen, I recall.

This was such a nice couplet that I think really got me into the spirit of the poem before you started describing the pieces themselves, and if you keep playing with the piece, it's the one thing that I hope you don't change.

Hopefully this review has answered your question, and been somewhat helpful. Thank you again for requesting the review, I really enjoyed the piece.

Sincerely,


-Cat









My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .