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 Review #4445982 |
 | 'The Incident'  [18+] When a government testing goes horribly wrong...  |
| (4.5)  Greetings, iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen ! I found your item, "'The Incident'" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.My First Impression I love the challenge of writing a piece with only dialogue! You've done a great job here and kept my interest piqued all the way to the end! (and that's not always easy, lol}  Punctuation/Grammar/Typos I found no issues in your punctuation or grammar, nor was I distracted by any typos.  Suggestions/Thoughts I do have one teeny, tiny, itty-bitty suggestion.  Near the end of your story, after you switch scenes from Miss Marsh, another coversation is held. I was confused just a tad at first, so my humble suggestion is to perhaps add Agent Sully's name to "Yes indeed. so it reads "Yes indeed, Agent Sully. I realize you have the word sir in her dialogue, which is helpful, but it's something to consider anyway.  My favorite lines..."Are you the only survivor in your family?" "Duh." I liked these lines because you've got Brenda Marsh's personality down pat. Great dialogue!  Nicely written! I hope my suggestion were helpful. Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! ~Cubby ")   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 10/17/2018 @ 9:35am EDT