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 Review #4446365 |
 Greetings, Raghav R  ! Here is the review you requested from me for your item, "Invalid Item"  .  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.My First Impression This 14 stanza poem is absolutely amazing! It is so impressive, I don't even want to offer suggestions, but as you requested it, I'll share any distractions. But seriously, this is beautifully written. You are an extremely talented poet! Suggestions/Thoughts You might want to omit the word up in this first line, as you don't really need it. The smoke gently curled up Like young tendrils Climbing their way up, Consider: The smoke gently curled like young tendrils climbing their way up, Also notice that I uncapped the beginning of lines 2 and 3. It's up to you if you want to begin each line with a capital letter or not, but it does give your words a nicer flow without the distraction of capital letters that don't actually begin a new sentence or train of thought. In your second stanza, They well knew what it meant, should be They knew well what it meant, In the fourth stanza, And creeping through crevices I know you are talking about the smoke, but the way it's written, it sounds like those who ventured out are creeping. Consider this: As it crept through crevices In Stanza 8: With a curse on the lips Did you mean this? With a curse on their lips Stanza 9: Fields with crop, --> Fields with crops, In Stanza 11, you might want to consider changing the following... The heads covered In a cloud of ash, to... Heads covered in a cloud of ash,  My favorite (it's so difficult to choose what I like best!)...They ran for their lives With the burning river- The hissing liquid fire- Close on their heels, This is such a clear visual, filled with color, sound, and fear. Excellent!  Such a wonderfully written piece! I hope my humble suggestions are helpful. And thank you for requesting a review from me. I am truly honored.Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! ~Cubby ")    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 10/18/2018 @ 8:38am EDT