*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4447315
Review #4447315
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Jacky ! I found your item, "Invalid Item" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it.

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression

         I might believe in leprechauns, too, for the very same reason! *Bigsmile* I love reading flash fiction and I know it's not as easy as one would think to write it.

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos

         In the fourth paragraph, you left out your ending quotation mark: you’re a leprechaun? --> you’re a leprechaun?".

         In the eighth paragraph, you again left out your ending quotation mark in “You’re not supposed to pick things in the park…--> “You’re not supposed to pick things in the park…"

         In the tenth paragraph, there are a couple things... “What for! As a question, you might consider replacing the exclamation point with a question mark. *Smile* “What for? And also, at the end of this sentence, he handed him a five., as it's not a dialogue tag (he said, etc.), the h in he should be capitalized. He handed him a five.

         In Paragraph 16, he held up the ticket, it's the same as before, being that it's not a dialogue tag: He held up the ticket. I also replaced the comma with a period, as the dialogue that follows is a separate sentence. *Smile*

Thoughts

         Your story flowed very well and was easy to comprehend. It doesn't really say for sure whether Jimmy was actually a leprechaun, though he's probably not... probably, and yet... possibly. He was lucky, either way. *Laugh* I liked, however, that you didn't tell us and we can decide for ourselves.

         *Starb* My favorite line...

                             You’re not a leprechaun,” Fred said. “Cut it out.”
         It's the first opening line and it pulled me in right away. *Bigsmile*

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
Ghost House Simply Positive signature.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4447315