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Review #4447886
Viewing a review of:
 Hollow Singing  [E]
A seashell on a beach sings a song.
by garlictonic
Review of Hollow Singing  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, garlictonic ! I found your item, "Hollow Singing" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         Oh, such lovely words! I really liked how you made this from the point of view of the sea shell. I also noticed right away, your title wasn't quite alluring as I thought it could be, especially since your poem is so beautiful. I don't think the title, Hollow Singing does it justice, but it's up to you if you want to play around it with it. Perhaps Hollow Voices or Hollow Chamber or Unsung Song or whatever. These are only humble suggestions. *Wink* It's entirely up to you what you do, if anything. I'm always attracted to a title, so that's why I mentioned it.

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         You might want to add more punctuation to your second stanza, since you're pretty consistent with it throughout your other stanzas. No need for me to detail it for you, as I'm pretty sure it just got by you for some reason. *Wink* Otherwise I noticed no grammar issue nor typos.

Suggestions/Thoughts
         Your words flowed along nicely till I came to the last few stanzas While your words are still lovely, the meter/rhythm didn't seem to flow as well. Other than that, I felt this was a beautiful piece! And again, I loved that you wrote this from the view of the sea shell. Are you sure sea shells don't sing? *Bigsmile*

         *Starb* My favorite lines... (hard to pick!)
                             Sooner or later you shall find,
                             that I was empty all along.
         (I almost got teary-eyed reading this!)

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
Ghost House Simply Positive signature.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/26/2018 @ 7:52am EDT
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