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Review #4448985
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.0)
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         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Jacky ! I found your item, "Invalid Item" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         It's interesting how kids think, lol. You did a great job portraying this in this piece.

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         There were at least three places in your story that you spelled the word peel as peal. *Wink*
         Also, you might want to revisit your punctuation in a few places. One example is:
         “I could help you with that.” Susan said.
[The first period should be replaced with a comma. There is another area you did the same thing. *Wink*]
         “I could help you with that,” Susan said.

Suggestions/Thoughts
         There are also a few places you use the word then instead of a dialogue tag. You might want to reconsider this. One example is:
Susan looked at him, then, “Why do you do things like that all the time?”
A few options:
Susan looked at him. “Why do you do things like that all the time?”
or
Susan looked at him and said, “Why do you do things like that all the time?”

         *Starb* My favorite
                              It was like I was a rock star. Like I was doing something nobody else was brave enough, or crazy enough to do. I liked it.
         *Laugh* Perfect! I loved how you captured this.

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
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