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 Review #4449450 |
 | Remember When  [13+] I made this in memory of my friend who passed away on the 28th of August  |
| (4.0)  Greetings, Diamond Beats ! I found your item, "Remember When" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.My First Impression I see you've just joined this community only a few days ago! Welcome to WDC! Your first piece is obviously an emotional one for you, as your title's summary tells us this is in memory of your friend who only passed away in August.  You've touched on some special memories with him, such as going down the slide, talking, and your first fight. How sad for you and I'm so sorry for your loss! As you mention, he was like a brother for you.Punctuation/Grammar/Typos You may want to replace a few of your periods with question marks at the end of the first three lines. There are only two typos I noticed. In the fourth line, your should be you're and in the following line, to should be too. One more humble suggestion, is you might want to add a comma between the words you and even for pause.  Other than that, everything looks good!Thoughts You've expressed your emotions very well in this piece. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.  I was especially struck emotionally by...[...]I feel lost, like I was tossed. Tossed into a dumpster and no one could hear me.  Nicely written. I hope my suggestions were helpful. Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! ~Cubby ")    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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