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Review #4449666
Viewing a review of:
 May I introduce you to a shower?  [ASR]
Vignette of Mabel, a tribute, a prose poem. If you haven't taken a shower lately ...
by Kåre Enga going to Montana
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Kåre Enga going to Montana ! I found your item, {item:}, in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         Oh... my... goodness! *Shock* The piece struck me like no other I've read recently. It's beautiful, Enga! I love this! Who'd ever had thought a prose poem with the title May I introduce you to a shower? could be so lovely? And now I'm off to look up who this Mable Snowbird is, which is always a good sign. Whenever a book or poem stays with me, I'm always ready to dive deeper, beyond the piece, and perhaps learn why the author chose to to write it.

This made me smile. *Smile*
         In sweet
         melodious voice, her laughter rang,
         “May I introduce you to a shower?”

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         I'm going to be honest with you, Enga, I read through this several times without paying any attention at the punctuation, grammar, or typos, which is unusual for me. *Bigsmile* I was more into the story you have told and this piece flowed so well, I have no reason to believe there is any need improvement on your technical abilities here. *Wink*

Suggestions/Thoughts
         I would say the only thing that brought attention to me, as far as suggestions go, are in Stanzas 4 and 5, and only because the long indentation of the first lines in each of these stanzas. But with a vignette, there are no rules to structure plus you are creating an atmosphere in which to evoke a reaction from your reader. After reading https://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Vignette, it really helped me to understand more about the vignette, including its meaning of little vine. You've taken a small part in someone's life and created a little vine, evoking emotions through this snapshot of Mable Snowbird's efforts. Thank you for sharing this!

         *Starb* My favorite
                             No flower as rare had ever bloomed
                             in Dakotaland. Her petals wove sky
                             as blue as flax.

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! Beautiful words... *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
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