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Review #4449679
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Review of  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.5)
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         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Jacky ! I found your item, "Invalid Item" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         Aw... I loved this little story! *Bigsmile* *Rolleyes* Kids do tend to ask a lot of questions though, don't they? *Laugh* And usually they come up with questions that are hard for us adults to answer. You've taken such an incident and created a story from it. Nice work, Jackie!

Suggestions
         The only thing that struck me to mention, is in Paragraph 7: “Supposedly, if the groundhog comes out of his burrow, which is his house, on this day in the spring, and sees his shadow, he gets scared and goes back in and we have six more weeks of winter.”
~With all the commas (pauses), this sentence just seemed choppy and long. You might want to break it up a bit. Also, February 2nd isn't considered spring yet. *Wink* Well, maybe it feels like spring in other states other than here in Michigan, lol. Here's one option:
“Supposedly every year on this day, the groundhog comes out of his burrow, which is his house. And if he sees his shadow, he gets scared and goes back in and we have six more weeks of winter.”

Thoughts
         I love your dialogue. Dialogue makes the flow of reading stories easier for me, at least. And I also noticed you didn't use many dialogue tags--he said, she said, etc. Great job with this! I had no confusion whatsoever, of who was talking. *Smile*

         *Starb* My favorite line...
                             I think they do,” Grampa said, relieved to be on solid ground again.
         Wow, I know this feeling of getting on solid ground again! This is the perfect line! Thank you for sharing.

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
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