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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4449682
Review #4449682
Viewing a review of:
 
Death  [18+]
Free verse
by w0lfbane
Review of Death  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, w0lfbane ! I found your item, "Death" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

First Impression
         Wow. Your descriptive words about death are chilling. Great job!

Suggestions
         The only suggestion I have (and not because it's a correction) is to not capitalize the beginning of every line, only the ones that begin a new train of thought. Here's an example:

They unleash my inner spirit.
So I may leave this barren world.
Try...
They unleash my inner spirit
so I may leave this barren world.

*Note* Notice I also omitted the period after spirit. I also noticed you end almost all your lines with periods, which represents a stop or pause. You might want to rethink a few of those periods so your lines flow along a little smoother. *Smile*

Thoughts
         You are obviously a very talented poet.

         *Starb* My favorite lines...
                             In the night it comes to me.
                             The speaker of sacred words.

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
Simply chipmunks SP group signature.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/10/2018 @ 9:50pm EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4449682