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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4450196
Review #4450196
Viewing a review of:
Toressa  [E]
Lyrics for love song
by rl
Review of Toressa  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, rl ! I discovered your item, "Toressa" , while browsing through the site and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         Very nice. Great flow, rhyme, and rhythm! *Smile*

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         I noticed nothing distracting.

Suggestions/Thoughts
         In Stanza 2, Line 1: I see your face, as soft as lace I don't really think of lace being soft... Plus you use soft once again in the same stanza. Hmm... Maybe consider something similar to: I see your face, delicate like lace though I'm not sure how the added syllable will work in your lyrics. Something to think about, anyway. *Wink*
         In Stanza 5:
[...] and hear your sighs
As whispers from the leaves
Consider:
[...] and hear your sighs
Like whispers from the leaves

         *Starb* My favorite lines
                             You're with me everywhere I go
                             If only in my mind
         I love the repetition of these lines in your chorus. *Smile*

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
Simply chipmunks SP group signature.


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