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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4450551
Review #4450551
Viewing a review of:
 A Street Dog's Day  [E]
A street dog has an encounter with a street sweeper.
by jonnigrl1
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
What I Liked:
- I thought it was a happy story that was heart-warming and had a nice pay-off, so emotionally I thought it was a good read and would be good for little kids.
- I never tried writing stories before, so I thought it was just cool to see someone tell a full story in 500 words, like one that could work as a short kids' book.

What Could Be Improved:
- If you are writing from the dog's point of view, maybe don't use the word "street-sweeper" since a dog would not know what one is, and instead talk about how the dog just sees a weird thing going down the street making noise.
- Same for the vet. or other things, I would try to make it seem more like it is from a dog's point of view, and write it using weird descriptions like how a dog would see the world instead of like the dog was thinking like a human.

🌈🌈



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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4450551