%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4451125 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.5)  Greetings, Maineiac  ! I found your item, "Invalid Item" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.My First Impression  Gulp! Oh.My.Goodness!!!  (oh, perhaps I should not laugh!) Anyway, I was NOT expecting that!!! Good job! I loved this! (is that weird, lol?)  Punctuation/Grammar/Typos There were only a few areas that stood out to me... In Paragraph 6: but he looked daggers into Eddie’s eyes. You might consider using a stronger verb that looked. One option could be: but his eyes shot daggers into Eddie’s. There were also a few places where mama/mommy should begin with a capital letter. If you're using it as an improper noun, as with your mommy, or similar, it's fine. But using it as a proper noun, then it should be capped. you and mommy, right?” should be you and Mommy, right?” Thoughts This story's ending was not what I expected it to be.  I love to be pleasantly surprised, though it wasn't very pleasant for Eddie, was it?  (why do I feel evil.) My favorite line...I think you know which is my favorite. I'm not going to post it on the Public Review page because it would give it away in case someone else decides to read this piece.  Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! ~Cubby ")    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 11/14/2018 @ 9:40pm EST