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Review #4453124
Viewing a review of:
 Empty Nest Solution  [E]
Tongue in cheek solution to ENS-Empty Nest Syndrome...for a contest
by fyn
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Reviewed by The Angel Army!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! What a beautiful solution (or two. Or six ... ?) you've found!

I love every bit of it. The build up, the scenario, the solution -- just flows brilliantly. What a light touch you have while writing about a dilemma and how it was finally solved!

Favourite parts -- They were in JAIL? *Shock2* *Rolling*

Also loved how each side was worrying about the other, that was really cute! *Inlove*

The solution, of course!

Suggestions:
1. In the 'genre' you've picked 'contest'. I think you mean 'contest entry'.
2. The layout -- I think some change in font / colour and centralising it would enhance the impact.
3. In a couple of places I found some minor issues with commas and double quotes, I think if you glance at it once more, you'll catch these instances.
4. Um -- from the first night, you jump straight to one month later. I'd actually have liked another verse in between those two, over the intervening time.
5. The first verse, last line - I think the phrase 'in such a hurry' might be redundant.

Thanks for sharing this!

Write On! *Pawprints*
Sonali

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