Hallo! I enjoyed this tale of the modern Adam and Eve. It was sounding like the ancient story to begin with, and when the twist came, it gave me a chcukle! ! Suggestions: 1. I thought you could have had a verse which hinted that there were 'rules', somehow -- a notice board or something that they passed by without a glance, maybe ... ? So that when they're caught, the reader goes back mentally and recalls that they had been warned. 2. Who was the 'parrot'? Would be nice if it implies that s/he symbolises something in modern society. A hoarding? A TV set with a commercial playing on it? In fact, this whole poem could be made to sound actual as well as allegorical, with a few twists -- that would give it a different dimension. They ignored the notice board but followed what the hoarding said ... (Am I getting a bit carried away here? ) 3. You may want to give this another read for two things: a. Forced rhymes and b. Repeated words. Just a couple of your rhymes feel a bit forced, and sometimes you repeat a word within the same verse -- like 'fresh'in the third verse. Thanks for sharing this enjoyable poem! Write On! - Sonali PS: Any suggestions are purely my personal opinion. Feel free to use them or disregard them as you deem fit! It's your writing and you know best what works! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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