%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4453353 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.0)  Greetings, Survivor48  ! I found your item, "Invalid Item" , in Auto Reviews and decided to review it.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.My First Impression  I've read and reread this piece, trying to figure out what it is that isn't working for me, personally. I do like the topic, however, about locked doors in life that we need to take responsibility for in unlocking them ourselves and not wait for others to do the deed. Life doesn't normally work that way. So if we want to progress, we need to take action in order to further reach towards meeting our goals, or victories, as you say. Punctuation/Grammar/Typos  I was not distracted by any typos whatesoever. Great job on the punctuation and grammar!Suggestions  So I've been pondering on this poem for a bit, and thought you might want to play around with it.  There's no harm in trying something different, of course, so please do not be offended by my humble suggestions.You might want to consider omitting several words in this free-verse piece. To me, it appears rather structured, like a traditional rhyming poem would be. That might be one thing that threw me off a tad as I read through it. Here's an example in Stanza 1: Destiny has created a maze, One with many locked doors. (another option...) Destiny is a maze with many locked doors. And another example in Stanza 3: We can wait for someone to open the entrance, But that person usually doesn’t show up. (note how wordy this is... here is an option) Awaitng the entrance to open, tends to end with no one else on the other side. Thouohts/Emotions  I'm not so sure my examples were the best, but they were more for showing you an optional way of recreating this piece without losing its meaning. I think the message would flow along easier if you omitted words, but it's entirely up to you. This is only my own humble suggestions and as you have this on auto-rewards, I'm assuming you'd like others' thoughts on ways to improve or reconcider. As far as emotion goes, it was hard for me to feel any, though I understood the meaning. Again, if you omitted words and tried to play around with more of a free-verse form of your words trickling down instead of structured, more emotion might emerge. It's worth a try, even if you don't change it here, play around with it on paper, or wherever.  My favorite line...Not relying on another person’s keys for progress.  I hope my suggestions were helpful.   Have a great day and K e e p on W r i t i n g ! ~Cubby ")    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.