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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4453379
Review #4453379
Viewing a review of:
 Moon Tribute!  [E]
A lullabye written to "thank" the moon.
by Cowgirl Cat
Review of Moon Tribute!  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Stockingr* Greetings, Cowgirl Cat ! I found your item, "Moon Tribute!" , in your Portfolio after reading and reviewing a recent item in Auto-reviews and so decided to review another item of yours. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         *Bulbb* I just watched a probe land on Mars (via CNN) and so this piece just sort of popped out at me. *Bigsmile* You really have a knack for writing lyrics for children. Hopefully, you've recognized your gift and are sending your material in to publishers. I love your rhythm and rhyme and everything flows so well and is so right on as a lullabye!

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         *Bulbv* As in your last piece, I would recommend adding punctuation as children will be reading this. If it were for adults, it wouldn't matter so much as long as you stay consistent. It appears you did use some punctuation. The grammar looks good, but I did find a few typos.

Stanza 1 - Line 1: The Sun *Right* The sun

Stanza 1 - Line 2: The Moon *Right* The moon

Stanza 2 - Line 1: Goodnight moon, thank you for *Right* Goodnight, Moon. Thank you for

Stanza 5 - Line 1: Goodnight moon, thank you for *Right* Goodnight, Moon. Thank you for

Stanza 6 - Line 1: Whether your full, or*Right* Whether you're full, or

Other Suggestions
         *Bulbr* None. *Bigsmile* Those typos up above were only mildly technical and if fixed, would make this a five star rating, in my opinion. If you decided to make changes, let me know.

Thoughts/Emotions
         *Bulbo* You are definitely a talented writer and I wouldn't be surprised if you are already published somewhere. Your rhythmic lines are catchy. Even though this is written as a lullabye, I can imagine it being sung in a classroom or possibly a library during story hour, in connection to a story about the moon and sun. *Smile*

         *Starb* My favorite lines...
                             Goodnight moon, thank you for keeping
                             Watch over us, while we are sleeping.
                             I *Heart* these lines! *Smile*


*Holly1* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Holly2*

*Candycanep* Have a great day and *Candycanep*
K e e p on W r i t i n g !
~Cubby ")
Animated Simply Positive Christams Tree Signature.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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