%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4456332 |
 | The Repentant Bully  [18+] Ron regrets bullying Samuel in high school - 2nd place What a Character, December 2018.  |
| (3.5)  This review is being given as part of the Simply Positive Reviews & Rising Stars groups. Please note that all opinions rendered below are in the spirit of giving, in an effort to help, you, the writer, improve the piece. You are under no obligation to use any of my suggestions and I won't think less of you if you don't use them. Regardless, thank you for the opportunity to review your work. General Impressions I found your piece as a forum posting on Max Griffin's forum for reviews and thought I'd take it upon myself to give you an extra review. Bullying is such an important and relevant topic in our society. Both myself and my husband have suffered from bullying as have my children. The scars from it can be lifelong and terrible. However, I know personally I do not harbor as much anger toward my bullies as I once did. In fact about eight years ago, I found one of my bullies on Facebook and we have become great friends. She regrets her actions and I have forgiven her. It's more a memory than something painful and rage inducing. One of the things she did to me was under the guise of a makeover cut all my hair off. I had long beautiful black hair and she hacked it off with scissors. It took two years to grow back. There were many other ways in which she humiliated and bullied me. Because we lived in the same group home together, it was a constant barrage. I came to realize she was taking her anger out on me. Reflecting on both my experience and my husband's, time does heal those wounds. After 15 years, I am not sure your character's response is as fully layered as it could be. There's a lot of opportunity to explore these emotions more fully and flesh them out very realistically. You also can use dialogue to explain more of what you're showing. It would be good to see some kind of softening from your victim to show his character progression. Favorite Part I love the ending but don't want to give it away for others. My cell phone is about dead so I need to stop for now and will try to come back later for more detail. If you're interested in reviewing any of my work in return (not required but certainly appreciated), I am currently seeking reviews of the following pieces:
Or you're welcome to join my 10 Year Anniversary Contest!
Best of luck and keep writing! Charity My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" . My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
||||||||||||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 12/12/2018 @ 3:17pm EST