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Review #4461182
Review by FalaKaye
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Not a bad narrative, it could benefit from a little bit of a different approach though if you'd like to make it less formal.

Look at the introduction for example:
"A place of incredible significance to me..."
While not a terrible opening (definitely what a lot of teachers expect more often the not), you do have the potential to make it much more immersive and colorful from what you have just past this line.
Early on you talk about the location of the camp. This could serve as a creative and very interesting way to lead into your narrative.

Ex. "Horseshoe scout reservation. The vast area of land in the “horseshoe” bend of the beautiful/wild Octoraro river, just on the borderline between Pennsylvania and Maryland. Given to the esteemed Chester County Council nearly/over a century ago.
Beyond the gravel-laden parking lot, running alongside the last of the worn/well kept camp road, there stands the large grey rock. It sits right in the way, blocking cars, parents, all traces of life outside of the rural/untouched/preserved land from the unassuming dirt paths, oftentimes consisting more of worm-wriggling mud, so unlike the concrete-lined lanes of home/enter name of home state. And just down that path? There lies the magnificent/looming/rustic MacIlvane Lodge and not far away/nearby, the ever impressive/memorable/homely Nature lodge."

It makes the intorduction to your camp sound more fanatasical and draws in the reader more beacuse it reads as if you yourself are entranced by the very land itself (admittedly it makes it a bit more wordy, but wordiness isn't always a bad thing when you're writing about something you care for/are passionate about). And the recollection of your very first night, it too could be built on just a little bit to make it more in the reader's face.

Ex. “Go back to bed, Knox.” He sighed tierdly, not even bothering so much as to get up.
Knowing better then to argue and not wanting to get on the man/his bad side after only the first day, I did as he said and did my best to try and get some sleep.
For twenty minutes all I could do was toss turn on the hard/soft/worn/neat bed, I even tried to count sheep as silly as it sounded/beause a friend/family member had once told me that usually helped, but still I lie there wide awake.
I clambered down again and made my way back to the adults.
“Mr. Fresta?” I alled out/asked again nervously.
“WHAT?” A voice that definatly was NOT Mr. Fresta's roared out, the low, grumbling reply that I was met with sparking visions of creatures that were anythign but human, surely a angry bear or some other dangerous monster that wanted nothing but to hurt me or even eat me!
Terrified, I raced back into bed, not looking back to even see if the thing had decided to follow me of not. I didn’t dare move, let alone even THINK of getting up again. Eventually as I lay there wating for something to come lumbering in in searh of me, I drifted off, still terrified to death of what I would later discover to just be the groggy voice of Mr. Yoder, a dad in the troop who was so harmless that he couldn’t even bare to hurt a single fly."

Not that you need to go that route, I just thought that maybe it could help make it feel more tangible and in the moment (and help with an impending word count maybe? Or just to make yourself feel good about trying something that you might not have considered for the narrative).
If you get stuck on cleaning it up/working on it (if you didn't already work it out and turn it in) feel free to email and ask me whatever you might need to help you trouble shoot for the paper, it sounds kind of like a fun assignment but English has always been one of my favorite subjects so I might be a little biased :).

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