Hello Klassilass ,

I found your poem on the Hub under the category "Newest Static Item". I am doing reviews for an activity I am participating in,"a very Wodehouse challenge" , and this poem really struck me.

Title and Description Line:
When I first read the title I thought this piece was going to be about a soldier, that was my first thought. Then as I read the first stanza, I learned that the pines were the sentinels which surrounded a special place.

The description line, or tagline, gives the author the opportunity to clarify the title and further lure readers in. You indicated this poem was about contemplating life. Based on the poem you wrote, I'd say that was pretty accurate.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I enjoyed this poem a great deal. I found it to be emotional and I think it will resonate with many readers, myself included.

Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable):
I think the meter is good. The poem flows nicely and I really don't get hung up anywhere. It's an easy read.

This is free verse, no rhyming, so I don't have any comment there. Free verse is not entirely free. It's important for the poem to have rhythm and flow so that the reader will be wrapped up in the emotion and imagery. I think you accomplished that here, quite nicely.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
You have a few lines here that painted a picture in my mind, I could envision the scene as I read and it made the experience very enjoyable.

Some of my favorite lines are:
The snapdragons bow to the sentinel pines

rustles the sentinels and lifts the hawk

Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
I did not see any issues with spelling, good job!

Something I noticed is that the first quatrain is written in present tense and then the following switch to past tense.

had my past desires were different
I stumbled over this line at the word were. I wonder if a different word might help the flow of this sentence. Maybe 'been'?

Silence breaks the revelry as a wayward wind
This line made me think, too. I got a little lost in it while trying to figure it out. The poem seems to take place in a field, the subject alone. I imagine it was already silent. Then you said the silence broke the revelry. I guess I am not understanding where the excitement and festivities are occurring that the silence interrupted it. Is it in the subjects head? Did the silence calm the soul?

Closing Thoughts:
I enjoyed this thoughtful and wonderful poem. However, I am left with a question. As the reader, I am left wondering where this place is and why it's important to the subject.


Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli


***Disclaimer***
The comments herein are just my humble opinions. Use whatever is useful; discard the rest. I'm not an editor, proof-reader, or any of the like. When I read and review, I am reading as a 'reader', to be entertained. I look to see how the piece makes me feel and if I can I visualize the story/poem in my head. You know your work better than anyone else! If I make a suggestion or a comment, it is meant in the spirit of 'helping' and I welcome the same when people review my work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .