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Review #4463644
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Emily
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Mari McKee ! I found your story through the "No Dialogue Contest-CLOSED and decided to review it for "Invalid Item!

*StarB* What a lovely story, Mari! It was really heartwarming for me to read about your journey to meet your aunts and learn about your heritage, and surprisingly, I can actually relate on so many levels! My grandfather is Greek, so several years ago, my whole family traveled to Greece to the town where my great-grandmother was from called Niata. Just as you describe, it was hard to get to and very rural with few, if any, English speakers. On that same trip, we also went to Turkey and to a famous silk rug manufactury where we got to see how the silk is removed from the cocoons and spun into thread and then woven into rugs. The process is so incredible! I was able to sneak a cocoon into my luggage when I left too, so now it sits as a reminder on my bookshelf. It's amazing you were able to meet your aunts before they passed and learn all that you did about your heritage!

*StarG* I did notice a few places where I could suggest some edits. First, this is not a huge deal, but in the first two paragraphs, you use the phrase "no easy task" fairly close together. It was close enough for me to notice, so maybe you could think about changing one of those to another description. The other few edits I picked out are below. Your words are in red and my edits follow after:

3 hours a day at which time three hours a day, during which time

300 hundred meters three hundred, or 300

then pick cocoons and unraveling the silk thread then pick cocoons and unravel the silk thread

heavenly colors from heaven. This is a bit redundant. Maybe a synonym for "heavenly" would work better? *Smile*

*StarB* I also noticed a few sentences that begin with a dependent clause. I would recommend adding a comma after them to tie them appropriately to the rest of the sentence. While reading, I found these dependent clauses that could use a comma:

Once in Rhodes
After a terrifying fifty minute flight
Once dyed and dried

*StarG* Thanks for sharing your writing and good luck in the contest! If you ever want to chat about Greece with someone, hit me up! It was such a vibrant country! *CountryGR*

Take care,
-Emily

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