Hi, just getting in some random reviews, and this piece came up. It's an older work, yet had no reviews, and I'm happy to change that.

First impression: I like the shape of the poem, and the rhythm. Rhyming couplets can be a powerful form of expression.

Opening: The idea of the prism, that which transforms something into its component parts, is good imagery - though I did wonder about the "night" thing; perhaps a reference to the continuing influence of the prism even though its effects aren't as obvious?

Ending: The personification of the universe as "laughing" is a good image.

Suggestions: I know this is an older piece and it's likely you've moved on from it, but I did have a few suggestions. As always, feel free to take or leave them.

Stanza 4 - I think perhaps you meant "veil" for "vale?" Though I can see how "vale" could work, I'm not unfamiliar with Pagan imagery and it's usually referred to as a veil. "Thinnest" doesn't really work well in that regard. However, if it's meant to be a non-humorous pun, I salute it.

Also stanza 4, I'm not sure about the word "amiss." It's not an attribute generally associated with the Goddess, and feels like a forced rhyme.

In stanza 5, I had to look up the word "soditiously," and it's rare that I have to look up a word. From what I discovered, it looks like an archaic spelling of "seditiously," which does make poetic sense in the context, as if there's something rebellious about the transformation. I like it, but if that's the meaning, I'd suggest using the modern spelling.

In the following stanza, I'd suggest replacing the semicolon with a comma: Smiling with glee, Her face all aglow / As energy from Her presence flows;

Overall: The overall theme of balance through deconstruction and reconstruction is a good one. While I have offered some small edits, I think it's sound overall. Keep it up!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .