Doing some reviews at random, and this one came up.

First impression: Realistic portrayal of relationship confusion. It sticks to concrete imagery, which is good.

Opening: The first stanza sets up the seeds of the conflict, presenting a veneer of cooperation that anyone who's been in a relationship knows is a thin construct.

Ending: An inevitable, and somewhat humorous, conclusion.

Suggestions: Just a few things to consider:

The stylistic decision to eschew most punctuation is effective. But that makes the one sentence that ends in a question mark stand out. I'd suggest changing it to a declarative sentence.

Perhaps a change in formatting would be helpful - at least make the in-item title "The Project" bold and centered, with a line or two between it and the body of text. As it is, it almost feels like part of the poetic narrative.

There's a definite progression from "said" to "knew" to "thought," and that makes sense in the poem as communication breaks down. I think I'd like to see more emotional conflict, however - as it is, it's quite realistic, as I said, but I was kind of expecting a real fight in there somewhere.

Overall: A good illustration of conflicting expectations within a relationship, and what the lack of good communication can do to the couple, and all done by showing specific actions, thoughts, and dialogue. Again, keeping it concrete is a good idea, though I feel that more emotional scenes could be emphasized, especially toward the end.

I know this is an older piece and you're likely not thinking about it anymore, but it's my hope that some of these suggestions might provide food for thought for this or other projects. Good luck!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .