Searching at random for things to review, this one came up.

First impression: This is a fairly lengthy essay, but it had my attention the whole way. The situation and events it describes are difficult, but as one stated goal of the essay is to help others in similar situations, I think it is an important narrative.

Opening: The opening states something about the author and her reasons for writing, which is a decent introduction for an essay.

Ending: Not exactly a happy ending - not that such an ending is ever the result of situations like this - but holds out hope for one in the future.

Suggestions: Just a few: First, though the narrative is mostly free of technical problems, I'd suggest cleaning up the formatting somewhat for easier reading; for example, some paragraphs have line breaks between them while others do not. One other thing I noticed is the occasional tense shift from past to present.

Second, much of it reads like a police report - which is not surprising. That tends to relate the facts, which is a good thing. But for something like this, perhaps more emotion is called for. Specifically, for example, the descriptions of being choked out are presented rather matter-of-factly, though more emotional language is included toward the end.

And finally, it might help to expand some of the examples. I know this would make it even longer, but it might help with conveying emotion more thoroughly.

Overall: This is a terrible thing to have gone through, and it takes courage to recount it like this. I hope it helped you and helps others. Also I hope you are in a better situation now. Keep writing!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .