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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4465734
Review #4465734
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Penguin* Greetings, penntonic!I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write in 2019" , *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

Title & Summary
         *Dialog* *Thumbsup* Great!

My First Impression
         *Dialog* Very smooth. Good job!

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         *Dialog* In Paragraph 1: Whatcha doin? You should add an apostrophe at the end of goin. Whatcha doin'? Otherwise it looks like a word that rhymes with coin. *Wink*

Other Suggestions
         *Dialog* In Paragraph 5, you might consider beginning your second sentence with Then as you are explaining about her day in a sequence. It's entirely up to you, though. *Smile*
         *Dialog*In Paragraph 8: At the Swan pub --> At The Swan Pub

Thoughts/Emotions
         *Dialog* I always wanted someone to have a surprise birthday party for me. *Laugh* That said... I truly believe people are so busy now that they very well could forget their own birthday. *Wink*

         *Starb* My favorite line...
                             She donned her flowered sundress, and pushed her feet into the strappy red sandals
Great visual!!!

*Penguin* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Penguin*

*Fisho* Have a great day and *Fishb*
K e e p on W r i t i n g !
~Cubby ")
Animated Penguin Simply Positive review signature


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/31/2019 @ 9:24am EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4465734