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 Review #4469556 |
 |  | Adventures in Plumbing  [18+] A domestic crisis leads to contemplation-- w-i-p  |
| (3.0)| ** Image ID #1934576 Unavailable ** Hi Grin 'n Bear It! I'm just dashing through with a review! Since I've never reviewed you before, please note these opinions are my own and free for you to use as YOU see fit! Plot/Premise This is an interesting little story of domestic crisis. A seemingly innocuous story about a plugged up toilet soon turns into something more of a feminist dilemma. This works as a women's lit story and the feminist viewpoint is rich throughout. Character(s) The main character is a snarky but funny woman faced with a toilet dilemma due to her daughter dumping inappropriate things in the toilet of a 100 year old house. There's her co-workers, specifically Ray who is the foil to our heroine and a typical ignorant chauvinist. I really like the main character's voice and viewpoint - it felt both real and comfortable. Dialogue The dialogue is good. I did notice you tend to start some sentences with 'well' in the dialogue with the daughter and might want to change/remove some of that. I show 5 uses of it. GMC GMC: Goal, Motivation, Conflict is what drives characters and your story forward. The goal is to fix her toilet without a plumber, the motivation is feminist pride, and the conflict is the toilet is not easily fixed. Setting & Description We are given adequate setting and description throughout although I'd have loved to know more about this 100 year old house. Word Choices Great - no issues. Show/Don't Tell / The Dream Another area with no issues and well done. This held my attention well throughout. Tips, Tricks, & Tidbits - Beware of adverbs (words ending in ly) as weak language. Trick: Read the sentence with and without the adverb(s). The sentence that reads the best wins! As the author, only you know the exact tone you're seeking so bear in mind this isn't a hard and fast rule but more of a guideline. Examples: Much like what experts recommend you do when you encounter a potentially deadly animals in the wild. I immediately chided myself. Although I'd never actually worked on a toilet before, It didn't really look substantial enough to do the job Really is an adverb that I try to avoid About your ending - that part is easy - she has to solve her toilet dilemma! Does the toilet break? Does she get help finally? Perhaps a handsome new neighbor comes to the rescue and her stance about men softens? Whatever happens she must either reach her goal of unplugging her toilet without help from a man, or succumb to the necessity and ignominy of a plumber. Good luck! If you'd like me to take a look after editing, feel free to let me know. I'd be happy to review this or any other work you have. Gotta run, but this was fun! Need a review? Submit a bitem link to "Invalid Item" Need something to review? Access my portfolio showcase here. Items are ordered newest to oldest in each category:
     ** Image ID #2177703 Unavailable ** Join us on Discord for real-time chats!: https://discordapp.com/invite/Wa8sgg8  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 02/21/2019 @ 10:52pm EST